This post is a result of an incident involving my son that happened today evening.. We live in a small residential society where we are blessed in having majority of neighbours who are in similar boat as us - In their early to late thirties with one or two young kids/toddlers. This ensures that my 5 year old has lot of playmates. (Touchwood!) (Note - there are some cons as well but then what doesn't :-) ). Today evening he was playing with the daughter of my front door neighbour in their house; all well till it was just the 2 of them. Then one of her other girl friend joined in. After some time, my son came back home. Since its rare that he comes back on his own, I asked him what happened. It seems they told him you are a girl since he was playing with them (2 girls). This is not the first time it has happened and luckily this time he didn't come back crying (it has happened in the past when he was told to go play with boys!)
I get annoyed when I see kids not involving others of the opposite gender in their games. I am sure boys do the same and I am seeing my son learning to differentiate based on such experiences. As kids, boys and girls play in their own different ways and I have seen that by nature they make play groups based on their commonality. But they should be able to play as they want - In our society, I see 1 girl playing with 3 boys and she is not told to go play with the girls. But if it's 1 boy playing with 3 girls, he is told to go and play with the other boys - and I am not just talking about the kids telling each other here (kids are kids and their behavior is sometimes mean.. they fight, they cry and they forget & makeup), even we as parents support and unknowingly perpetuate this bias. Girls playing with cars doesn't raise eyebrows but boys playing with dolls does. A boy in a pink trouser is pointed at but not a girl in a blue dress. Equality should not be just about giving equal opportunity to girls, it should include boys too. I believe we need to move from gender equality to gender neutrality. Since the seed of bias is planted since childhood, it just grows slowly and steadily along with them. The repercussions of such bias by our earlier generation is already there for all of us to see.
In this era when we talk of equal pay and equal opportunity, we can't really wish away this inequality if we start to differentiate between boys and girls since childhood and tell them that they should things appropriate for their gender. Kids are like wet clay who get molded into adults based on what they learn from their surroundings; the little natural gender based difference that they have increases based on the gender based stereotype that they see around them. There are lots of boys more sensitive and caring than girls and lots of girls more successful and hard working than boys.. no one is better than the other, Just different. We should just give them an open hand so that they can remain equal with their differences. And we should avoid making boys the victim as we fight for equality of our girls!
In this era when we talk of equal pay and equal opportunity, we can't really wish away this inequality if we start to differentiate between boys and girls since childhood and tell them that they should things appropriate for their gender. Kids are like wet clay who get molded into adults based on what they learn from their surroundings; the little natural gender based difference that they have increases based on the gender based stereotype that they see around them. There are lots of boys more sensitive and caring than girls and lots of girls more successful and hard working than boys.. no one is better than the other, Just different. We should just give them an open hand so that they can remain equal with their differences. And we should avoid making boys the victim as we fight for equality of our girls!
5 comments:
This is not a new thing thanks to feminazism... it has been a pretty prevalent. I remember as a kid one of my cousins was dragged by his dad for playing with my sister and me.. with the words 'are you a girl or what?' Now that was immature.
But the kids saying this is more a realisation of the differences. The roles of a girl are etched, determined and defined more categorically than a boy's. Girls know how they are 'different' consciously and subconsciously sooner. As they say their maturity levels are also higher compared to same age boys. Hence 2 girls playing will have a sense of the third boy but 2 boys playing will see the third girl as a playmate. Yes if such words are said, parents should step in and include without asserting the gender demarcation.
Frankly speaking don't take it more than child's play....let the kiddo deal with it...and I think he is coping fine.
Gender equality and gender neutrality - well that is another thing that gets my goat.... just like comparison of apples and oranges ;) gender neutrality is the next step to equality. First let's get equal then we can be neutral....not just in India... would trump stand a chance if he was a woman? The obvious answer is the litmus test to where we stand as a race in terms of gender equality.
Phew! Great thought provoking post!
Hmm.. I agree.. however I see parents also encouraging the difference.. yesterday it was birthday of a 4 yr old girl in our society.. and you know what her mother threw a birthday party inviting only girl kids from our society.. I am ok as it's her choice and its easier to manage fewer kids and boys tend to make more ruckus. Only thing is unknowingly the kids who attended it would have all learnt that there is a difference and its ok to not invite someone just because of difference in gender. As I said, as they grow, kids would automatically gravitate and make a close circle with kids of their own gender. Just wished that we are not making them grow faster than required.
And a very thought provoking comment as well. 😃
Ouch that's a bit harsh... the golden rule is kids invited - age of the child. Get her 4 besties irrespective of gender... but it's not easy being so logical ;)
True that!
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