Delegating Parenting

Recently I have come across a lot of cases wherein young working couples leave their small / infant kids with their parents/in-laws while they work in a different city / country / continent. Earlier when I used to hear such cases, it was mostly the case with someone I didn't know closely. Learning about such cases from my friends/acquaintances who were telling this about someone else. At that time, I used to feel sorry for the innocent kid as well as the parents and thought maybe they have some financial constraints forcing them to leave separately from the kid. No one wants to leave his/her kid with others.. they must have done so with a heavy heart and had some really compelling reasons for the same. So as you see my empathy was with the parents. 

Now I see some people that I know who are doing the same. Of course most of my peers are working professionals like me and being in the same age group, many of them have small kids too. So it increases the probability that this time around I might actually know such people. However now that we are in the same boat, I am unable to see any justifiable reason for staying away from your kid. In most of the cases that I see, the couple is trying to safe up money for the child’s future. So here is the child in India while both of them have gone onshore leaving as small as a 1 year old behind. :-( I find financial constraint the most lousy reason. You can still save a reasonable amount if just the father or the mother goes onsite to a different country. One of the parent can stay with the kid and work from here. Put the baby in crèche or get a full time help or get your parents / in-laws with whom you were anyways planning to leave the kid. I am sure there is some better alternative than leaving such a small kid behind. What would that kid be feeling!! When it’s time for me to come back from office, I find Shaurya eagerly waiting for me; I avoid being late by even 15 min as it will increase his waiting. When he is sick, he doesn't even want to get down from my lap. He just lies on my lap while I rock him to sleep. I put him on bed only when he is asleep.(I am not sure if I do that reassure him or me but this is what happens). 

A child needs a parent far more than just for taking care of his/her normal day to day chores. I strongly believe that the emotional support that a child gets from his/her parents cannot be provided by anyone else howsoever close. So when I see parents especially mothers leaving their kids for onsite opportunity / career / promotion, etc, I find it difficult to fathom. Most of the time, I have not seen any major financial constraints with such people. What I see is very very ‘Selfish’ parents. They would like to enjoy their work and time abroad and so here’s the kid making the sacrifice. People who are ambitious or have such financial burden or want to enjoy their time should not have planned their kids. They should wait for the time when their condition is stable and/or they are ready to be parents rather than delegating their responsibility to someone else. Even accidental pregnancy gives u time to plan for the future! This is not a judgement that I am trying to pass, it is a statement of fact. The last thing you want to be as a parent is ‘Selfish’. 

Being a working mother, it has been difficult for me leaving my son at home. Even though I have my sister at home and a help (who has been working at my parent’s place since some 15 odd years and treats us like family), I still worry a lot on whether it’s going to have an adverse effect on Shaurya. Even on a normal day, I hate the part when I have to say bye to him when I start for office. It’s been more than 5 months now since I have joined office but I am still not used to it. Leaving him is still as difficult for me as it was the first day. Hopefully he won’t be a silent kid or a kid who is too mature or understanding for his age or God forbid an angry or violent kid.. at least not because he missed his mom or because I am not with him all the time. Both M and I take utmost care and are always vigilant in this respect. We are cautious not to show our silent guilt or any such negative emotion either. We do not want to pamper him too much or too less. Be too accommodating to adjust for our lost time together or be too strict just to be super cautious. Being a parent is a huge & difficult responsibility and something that no one wants to fail at. Keeping our worries at bay, we like many others just try to give it our best shot and hope that things turn out fine! Delegating such an important task can have its own repercussions