Marriage and yours truly

What’s diff b/w ideology of single and married women?

Ok so this is what a friend of mine suggested me to write about saying that I haven’t written something in my blog for ages. My first reaction on reading the topic was “baba re.. dhamakedaar topic hai”. Ideology is a pretty heavy word. :-) I don’t think there are any ideological changes that have come in me post marriage.. just that a few priorities change which impacts your outlook too. It may as well be applicable to guys. Anyways I can’t speak for women in general but can definitely write about the changes that I see in myself. Let me jot down a few here. Strictly based on my experience. :-)

1. As already mentioned, your priorities change. I am a working woman who stays away from home. My work life always had my undivided attention since I started working. This is not to say that my family wasn’t important for me – they are and always will be the No.1 in my life. But in the day to day routine, my only interaction with them was over phone. So my days were mostly dedicated to my work. After marriage, it has changed. My husband has become my first priority now. Ok now don’t go to the extreme thinking that all my ambitions and professional goals have been disposed off. They are still very much there - I am still working on pursuing higher education and excel in my professional life. It’s just that I will balance it with my family life. I know such extreme scenario won’t come but if I have to choose between the two, my personal life would win hands down.
   
2. Earlier when I used to think of marriage, I had a very pessimistic picture in mind (even though I am essentially an optimist). You see life has always been good to me (Touchwood!!) and I was pretty sure that the law of averages will catch up and I am going to have a terrible married life. Thankfully, it’s not that way at all. Life is indeed beautiful.
   
3. My patience gets tested almost everyday. :-) Oh I have never had so many differences over minute trivial stuff with anyone as I have with M. This is really mind-boggling considering that we think very much alike and are always in agreement over each and every major decision. If anyone can help unravel this mystery, I would be indebted. Anyways even with all this, it’s not like I am becoming more patient or that I hate these disagreements. To be truthful, I find them exciting. Making up after a silly argument is fun. Married life without such arguments would be so damn boring.
   
4. A very noticeable change that has happened in me post marriage is the amount of weight that I have put on. :-( :-( :-( :-( But I being what I am (read “Super Lazy”), I am not doing anything about it except thinking of ways to keep it in check.
   
5. I really used to doubt if I would love some one so much that he will matter to me more than myself, some stranger who will become a part of my family, someone whose safety and life would mean more to me than my own. I know that I already would do that for my family members but that’s different as I was born into my family and intrinsically & unconditionally I love them. I can do anything for my parents and siblings. But adding a total outsider to the equation and applying similar rules – I used to think this would be next to impossible. How wrong I was. :-)
   
6. I have also learnt that marriage is work just like any other relationship. Being the most important one, you have to work all the more harder on it. Trust me it’s so much worth it.
   
7. Talking about work, I never knew there were so many chores involved in running a household. I have stayed in flats in Bangalore sharing it with friends. We used to do all the things you do in a house like get the grocery, vegetables, pay electricity bills, rent, maid, and other such n number of things. So I thought it would be the same way once I get married and have my own home. But the chores have multiplied. I think it’s more to do with the fact that it’s no longer a bachelor house but a family home. And hence not having a pickle or papad or having unmatched cutleries and a little unkempt house is no longer okay. Now I am a little more careful in making sure that things are available and in their proper way. Thanks to my ‘efficient’ maid here, I wash the non-stick utensil myself – even after repeatedly telling her to use the soft brush and not the steel one on them, she has left quite a few scratches. :-( Anyways there are innumerable chores in a house and luckily for me M, a dear empathetic soul, helps me out. Moms are really great yaar.. considering our Dads are from a generation who think men earn and women do household work and the two shall not meet.
   
8. Just seeing M makes me happy. I know.. I know.. it sounds pretty mushy/corny.. whatever.. But at the end of the day, when M comes back from office and I open the door, my lips automatically form a smile and the world just brightens up. :-)
   
9. I always used to wonder why people marry - for love, family pressure, peer pressure, frustration, etc.. Anyways for whatever reason people marry, I think now I know why married people want the unmarried ones to get hitched. At least I want my younger sisters or some bachelor friends to get married. It’s FUN and beautiful and everyone should enjoy it for sure. (PS: And later, we can all sit together, crib about our married status and remember the good old single days:-D)
   

I had heard this dialogue in the movie “Shall we dance?” Something that Susan Sarandon tells the detective she had hired to check on her husband. Here she is explaining why she thinks people marry. “We need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'”

I found it very romantic. :-) And hence got a witness for my life.. ;-)