Delegating Parenting

Recently I have come across a lot of cases wherein young working couples leave their small / infant kids with their parents/in-laws while they work in a different city / country / continent. Earlier when I used to hear such cases, it was mostly the case with someone I didn't know closely. Learning about such cases from my friends/acquaintances who were telling this about someone else. At that time, I used to feel sorry for the innocent kid as well as the parents and thought maybe they have some financial constraints forcing them to leave separately from the kid. No one wants to leave his/her kid with others.. they must have done so with a heavy heart and had some really compelling reasons for the same. So as you see my empathy was with the parents. 

Now I see some people that I know who are doing the same. Of course most of my peers are working professionals like me and being in the same age group, many of them have small kids too. So it increases the probability that this time around I might actually know such people. However now that we are in the same boat, I am unable to see any justifiable reason for staying away from your kid. In most of the cases that I see, the couple is trying to safe up money for the child’s future. So here is the child in India while both of them have gone onshore leaving as small as a 1 year old behind. :-( I find financial constraint the most lousy reason. You can still save a reasonable amount if just the father or the mother goes onsite to a different country. One of the parent can stay with the kid and work from here. Put the baby in crèche or get a full time help or get your parents / in-laws with whom you were anyways planning to leave the kid. I am sure there is some better alternative than leaving such a small kid behind. What would that kid be feeling!! When it’s time for me to come back from office, I find Shaurya eagerly waiting for me; I avoid being late by even 15 min as it will increase his waiting. When he is sick, he doesn't even want to get down from my lap. He just lies on my lap while I rock him to sleep. I put him on bed only when he is asleep.(I am not sure if I do that reassure him or me but this is what happens). 

A child needs a parent far more than just for taking care of his/her normal day to day chores. I strongly believe that the emotional support that a child gets from his/her parents cannot be provided by anyone else howsoever close. So when I see parents especially mothers leaving their kids for onsite opportunity / career / promotion, etc, I find it difficult to fathom. Most of the time, I have not seen any major financial constraints with such people. What I see is very very ‘Selfish’ parents. They would like to enjoy their work and time abroad and so here’s the kid making the sacrifice. People who are ambitious or have such financial burden or want to enjoy their time should not have planned their kids. They should wait for the time when their condition is stable and/or they are ready to be parents rather than delegating their responsibility to someone else. Even accidental pregnancy gives u time to plan for the future! This is not a judgement that I am trying to pass, it is a statement of fact. The last thing you want to be as a parent is ‘Selfish’. 

Being a working mother, it has been difficult for me leaving my son at home. Even though I have my sister at home and a help (who has been working at my parent’s place since some 15 odd years and treats us like family), I still worry a lot on whether it’s going to have an adverse effect on Shaurya. Even on a normal day, I hate the part when I have to say bye to him when I start for office. It’s been more than 5 months now since I have joined office but I am still not used to it. Leaving him is still as difficult for me as it was the first day. Hopefully he won’t be a silent kid or a kid who is too mature or understanding for his age or God forbid an angry or violent kid.. at least not because he missed his mom or because I am not with him all the time. Both M and I take utmost care and are always vigilant in this respect. We are cautious not to show our silent guilt or any such negative emotion either. We do not want to pamper him too much or too less. Be too accommodating to adjust for our lost time together or be too strict just to be super cautious. Being a parent is a huge & difficult responsibility and something that no one wants to fail at. Keeping our worries at bay, we like many others just try to give it our best shot and hope that things turn out fine! Delegating such an important task can have its own repercussions

The 'Idiot' Box

A few days ago I saw an ad on TV which really rattled me and was disturbing to say the least. I was watching “Colors” channel and during the break, there was an ad for a new “Crime-related” show that will be telecasted from Dec. In the ad, a peek into one of the stories was being given.. it goes something like this.. there's a mentally unstable husband who kills his wife first and then keeps her dead body in the refrigerator... for 5 years!! Its gory just to listen to it and even write about it… u can very well imagine how gory it would be actually seeing this on television. I am fine with the channel showing the serial  (if it’s showed late in the night after prime time hours).. Now a days all these kind of suspense / crime / ghost /spirits related serials are back in fashion. There's at least one showing in each channel. But at least while creating advertisements for these kind of shows, people should think a little.

The ads are shown at any time of the day and an unsuspecting kid may happen to watch it. Young kids are impressionable (for that matter even adults are). We cannot even begin to imagine what kind of impact it can have on them. Being a mother to a young kid, I was really appalled on seeing the ad. (I have to admit here that I might not have reacted in such a strong way if I wasn't a mother myself but who knows.. maybe my reaction would have been similar). My son is small now and doesn't understand all these. He doesn't even watch TV unless there’s a song playing. He absolutely loves music. His current favourite being ‘

Go Go Go Govinda’ from ‘OMG’. He even wakes up from sleep if he hears this song. :D . But as Shaurya grows up and starts watching TV.. one day he maybe watching his favorite music show or cartoon show and there’s a break in between and he gets exposed to an ad like above.. :-(

In the ad, they could have just said all the gory details in voice overs instead of showing the dead body inside the fridge. I know the purpose of the ad was to have as much impact as it can and entice ppl to watch the show. And of course they have succeeded in it.. at least they have my attention. I know the ad / show makers are just looking for themselves and doing their job.. but here's when the TV censorship board comes into picture. Most of the time, they are busy censoring stupid stuff like not allowing a film to be broadcast because of adult content and this and that. Arre.. a parent knows when a particular film/show will be aired and if it is suitable for kids or not, he/she will ensure that the kids do not watch that film if its unsuitable. Instead of fussing about the obvious things, the board should focus on subtle things like these kind of ads which are difficult for a parent to control and have a greater impact. People might say this is unnecessary censorship & curtailing the freedom of artistic/creative expression but if you are creative, I am sure there is a better way to create ads/programs and still have the desired maximum impact!

Television content now has changed so much. It reflects on our choices and the kind of people we have become.  The Idiot box as its often called is working to match its name. :-( There’s N number of saas-bahu soap operas on TV. These kind of programs have an impact on our subconscious. We see scheming mother in law / daughter in law / sister in law etc.. this impacts the way we also think of our relationships. A small tiff which should ideally go unnoticed might make us think too much and blow it all out of proportion, changing the way we interact with our relatives. I never used to think about it.. but M made me realize it. He doesn’t like it if I watch a serial like this. He just brainwashes me against that programme.. J (Though I have never been that much into serials, I was a regular viewer of some shows in the past. The only serial I watch now is ‘ballika bahu’..I know it’s also a flawed one.. I used to watch it earlier then stopped it midway. However I have started watching it again ever since the character of ‘Shivraj Shekar’ has entered. Such a handsome fella!! :D… M will not be able to make me stop it.. at least for now ;-)) Majority of TV time in our household is taken up by Fox Traveller, NDTV Goodtimes, Times Now, SAB TV or some news/movie/music channel. And I am totally happy with it. We want our son to be exposed to such choices.. maybe with the addition of Discovery, Nat Geo and a few select cartoon channels. This is what we would like.. as they say 'parent' proposes, 'kids' disposes... :-D